Life Is Too Short

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Hey Band!

I just want you to know that I read each and every one of the posts that go up on here. Each post makes me feel an array of different emotions and I wish I could reach through the screen and hug every single one of you. You are so strong and courageous for putting your stories up for the world to see. 

Now, having said that. I have a few things I want you guys to think about. 

Life is too short to continue doing things that don't make you happy. If you are in a sour relationship that you don't foresee going anywhere, get out! It may be hard at first, but you will be so much happier once you drop the dead weight. You and only you hold the power to your own happiness. Why waste months or even years with someone who doesn't make you happy? Each day is a gift. A gift that shouldn't be wasted. 

Are you sick and tired of doing the same thing day in and day out? Change it! Have the courage to jump out of the endless cycle you've found yourself in and start something new! Whether it be a career change, or a new hobby, just do it!

I don't want you to look back at your life years from now and wish you had done something different. Now is the time to do that something different. 

Want to go back to school, learn a new trade? Do it! What is stopping you? If it's money that is holding you back, look into all of the grants and loans you could get. Start somewhere.

Surround yourself with people who love and care about you and want you to be happy. If there is someone or multiple people bringing you down, let them go. All they are doing is holding you back from who you want to be.

No matter how long you have traveled down this road you are on, there is always an escape route. You can turn around at any point and find a new way. It will be scary to travel into the unknown, but I know you can do it! 

If you suffer from depression, know that there is a way out. Talk to someone, maybe even get on to a medication if you can. You don't have to suffer any longer. Get out and change it. Find something you love and do it! Do what makes you happy. Always.

If you have been knocked down in life, get back up! You may feel like your life is in pieces scattered all over the floor, but you can pick them up and put them back together. You can heal. You can overcome anything that comes your way. You got this!

Happiness is achievable, you just have to work for it. There isn't a little fairy that will come around and sprinkle happy dust on you, you have to get out there and find your own happiness. You are all worth it and all deserve happiness. If you sit back and look at your life and find that you aren't happy, find the problem and fix it. Life is far too short to waste precious moments doing things or being with someone who doesn't make you happy. 

You are worth it.

You are strong. 

You are courageous. 

You can do this!

I believe in every single one of you. Now go find your happy!

 

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My Fault

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I actually feel bad for posting this because it's a petty problem. Everyone on here has real problems, and I'm just writing about a guy I'm still in love with. It's pathetic, I know. No one has to read this if they don't want to.

In 8th grade, I realized that I wanted to have someone always there to compliment me, to make me feel beautiful or important, so I was on a social media website. Even though I never believed the guys I added on there, I still wanted the attention.

Blake lived about three hours away. He accepted my friend request, and sent me a message. When I was going to spend a week at my aunt's house, and wouldn't have internet access, I asked him to text me. He was pretty cool and attractive. We talked a little. One day, he sent me a message saying, "Please don't let us drift apart." I said we wouldn't. Sometimes, he would try to call me, but I don't like talking on the phone, so I wouldn't usually answer.

One day I did answer, and it was an amazing night. I got to know him a bit better than I did through text messages. He's extremely funny, sarcastic, and witty. I found his laugh and the way he talks adorable. That started my huge crush on him. I found out the next day, he liked me, too. Long distance relationships suck. We didn't date, but we really liked each other. Eventually, it turned into love.

I truly trusted him and loved him, so I told him my secrets. He told me he wanted to kiss me really bad, and that he loved me. He even wrote me a poem on Facebook in a message. I was happy with whatever Blake and I were. I wanted it to be official, but understood why we weren't.

I'm insecure, and I was hurt by the distance, so I started dating Landon, a guy I went to school with. That hurt Blake a lot, but he continued to be my friend, even though it was painful. It wasn't my intention to hurt Blake. Eventually, Landon and I broke up, and I apologized to Blake for hurting him.

I wanted to be the first to tell him "Happy Birthday," so I called him at five minutes to 12:00 the night before. We had a very good conversation, with lots of humor, and he seemed to be in a good mood.

I told him later that when I got off the phone with him that night, my friend asked why we weren't "dating" anymore. Blake didn't like that. He quit texting me. I knew that I screwed everything up. He was done.

After he was gone, I realized just how much I love him. He has probably succeeded in moving on, but I haven't. It's been almost three years, and I still have the same feelings for him. I don't think they're going away.

I'm currently dating a guy named Brandon. He knows about Blake. He's rightfully scared that I'm not over Blake, and it's true. I'm not. I thought dating someone else would help me get over him. At one point, I thought I was. Then, I saw that Blake was going to a concert near me. I spent my summer trying to go to it, just to finally see him. I thought that he might start talking to me again. There were bands that I wanted to see, but Blake was the main reason I was going. I saw him, but he didn't see me. He was talking to someone, so I didn't intrude.

Later, I posted my pictures from the concert online, and he messaged me for the first time in a while. He asked if I went to that concert, I told him that I had. When I told him why I didn't talk to him there, he said, "Oh, you should've said hey, I never saw you." That made me the happiest I had been in a very long time. It sounded like he would have wanted to see me if he had known I was going. I wish I had told him I would be there.

Basically, I really hate myself for screwing things up. I still believe that I love Blake. We haven't talked since that day after the concert. I don't believe I should be alive because of the way I treated him. I was terrible to him, when all he did was care about me and love me. He's so perfect, and he could do better than me anyways. But I can't help it. I want to be selfish. I love him so much.

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I Survived

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I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I became one of the lucky ones at the tender age of 15. I got out of the relationship after nearly a year of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. It wasn't easy. It was terrifying, but I did it.

It all started when I was a freshman in high school. A senior caught my eye and I apparently caught his as well. After knowing each other for only a short amount of time, we were dating. I thought it was love, true love, and believed whole heartedly that he was the one.

The abuse started slow. First, he didn't like my friends and thought they were trying to sabotage our relationship. (They saw the signs before I did and tried to warn me). He isolated me and I thought nothing of it.

Then he didn't like the way I dressed. He called me trashy and a whore. He said I was trying to catch the attention of other guys. He controlled what I wore and who my friends were.

Then he would yell and scream at me whenever I did something he deemed as wrong. The verbal abuse escalated to physical abuse soon after, probably about three months in. He would slam me into lockers and choke me. He would push me to the ground while screaming at me. He broke two of my ribs and I still forgave him. Teachers, bus drivers, other students all saw this occur and some tried to warn me, but I didn't listen. Others just watched the chaos unfold without uttering a word. I can't blame them, he was very intimidating. He was a wrestler and very built, I even questioned if he was on some sort of performance enhancing drug. It would explain the angry outbursts, but that could just be who he is. 

He was smart, he never left marks where anyone could see. I hid my broken ribs from my family and friends. Most of his marks were invisible though. He broke me completely and molded me into someone I didn't recognize. But I was in love, I was blinded by love and couldn't see the signs.

When he took my virginity, he repeatedly told me how filthy I am and afterwards, made me scrub myself raw while he watched. He took something beautiful and made it ugly, I've seen myself as filthy ever since.

Now that I am older, I see the red flags. It wasn't love, it was abuse. I see that now. I was finally able to leave by breaking up with him over the phone. He threatened to kill himself and then his mom called me, yelling at me asking what I did to her son. I hung up on her and never spoke to him again. It was summer at the time and I didn't see him again until the next school year where he would threaten my life if I ever told a soul. I never did, but people knew. They saw it happen for their own eyes. 

I am one of the lucky ones. I survived, I got out. Not many can say that. I just want other people to see the signs and get out if you can. If you can't, there are resources out there for you to help. It takes an incredible amount of strength and support, but you can do it!

 

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DOH Monday - Fall Season

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Summer has come and gone and left behind the beautiful colors of fall. I love this time of year because everything is changing, the leaves, the coffee flavors, weather, clothes, you name it- it's changing.

I recently went apple picking with my little family and it was a lot of fun. That is until my little one started to throw a tantrum (and apples). He was not as into it as I had hoped, unfortunately. So my attempt at a fun family outing was turned into a tantrum fest. Oh well, there is always next year. The upside is I had a lot of apples to make some yummy treats with. I made two batches of my finest Apple Crisp, which were delicious.

I love Fall. I love everything about it. The smell of leaves, the colors, the weather. Everything. I live in Maine, and we have the most beautiful foliage you'll ever find. Which is why we have so many tourists come through during the season. I feel like tourist season never really ends in New England. We have ski season, which lasts from early november some years, to late March, depending on the snow season. Then we have the tourists that come for the summer, many people have summer homes up here. And then the leaf peepers come for Fall. I just want a break from all of the tourists so I can enjoy my Fall without all of the people. I know it is great for the small businesses around here and they get a lot of foot traffic but I just want to enjoy it while it lasts, without all of the leaf peepers.

So that is my Dose of Happy, The Band. What is yours?

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From The Outside Looking In

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When I was in college student, I lived a few blocks away from some relatives. I had a standing invitation to eat at their house every Sunday night - no need to call ahead, just show up. As a starving college student, you would think I would take advantage of that, but I only went a handful of times.

Spending time with that family was painful.

You see, they had a sick game they liked to play in their family. If it had a name, it would be called "Let's pick on April until she cries."

April and I were very close. She had her issues, but I adored her. I have come to discover from reading the stories on this site that her mother (and possibly her father) were narcissitic. They had two "golden children," who could do no wrong, one child who was sort of neutral, and then April was the scapegoat for the whole family. 

Almost immediately after sitting down to a meal, they would start in on April. Everyone would talk about their day, but when she would try to talk, they would belittle everything she said. Nothing she ever did was good enough, and everything she said was stupid or unimportant. They would dig and push buttons until the tears fell. 

I will never forget the look of satisfaction on that woman's face when she had succeeded in destroying her daughter.

Again.

A mother is supposed to be a source of comfort and support to her children. Being a mother now myself, I can't even comprehend how a mother can destroy her child day after day, after day.

April is married with her own kids now. And I still cringe when I hear her call her mother "Mama." The woman never earned that title. 

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