Just Writing But Not Really Thinking Right ow

Life was going well. All that really mattered was I paid the bills and cared for my family. Little did I know, I was up for a fall.

Business partners ran off with my money. Being penniless isn't fun, but it really teaches you not to love money. But everything I felt, especially the humiliation, didn't prepare for me what I was about to learn.

Someone I care about deeply, shared with me that she had been raped and hadn't told anyone.

I havent told anyone. I just talk to her, call her, laugh and cry with her. Sometimes she doesnt want to talk, and I tell her it's okay. It's not about me, it's about her. She doesnt have to talk. Am I selfish in wanting to live just for her? I hope not. I don't even know what I'm writing ...maybe I'll start at the beginning. Thanks for reading.

 

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Verbal Abuse You Don't Fall For

*If every/almost every time you make a smart decision for yourself, your very insecure boyfriend/girlfriend/just friend gets upset, going on and on about you being selfish. Every time.

*You find that they're carefully editing stories they tell about social interactions they've had when you weren't around, playing either underdog or hero in each one.

*If they tell you, "you're one of those girls who has no identity without a [boyfriend]" after years of deep discussions about each of your life goals and dreams and feminist views, there is no denying that the other person is full of crap.

*At one point it finally dawns on you that you're an exception to how they treat their loved ones. You care about an individual who is more respectful of their friends (or in some situations, their other friends) than they are of you.

*You get the impression that if you truly were always yourself around them, they would not like it.

*One day you tell that person you've trusted that you met someone last night and you had such a good time, they seem like a potential new platonic pal, only to have that insecure counterpart react with a negative comment.

*You might learn that they have imposed a condition on their relationship with you and have kept it a secret (whether or not it's well-kept) simply because they know it's a ridiculously unfair rule. Once you have broken it, they take advantage of the excuse to accuse you of having been an arrogant, cold-hearted traitor all along.

After all the memories the pair of you have made, this issue-riddled loved one of yours has decided that, for the most part, those memories are insignificant little things meant to be either ignored or used as weapons against you.

Finally, seeing their apparent point of view is so profoundly sad that you grieve a while, you're angry for over a year - hoping to never see them again. Deep down, while you still want them to achieve their dreams, kicking off the toxic words and people in the past that made them into your very insecure boyfriend/girlfriend/just friend to begin with. They could be highly intelligent and funny and full of potential and love and obviously no longer deserve you.

As much as I hate to admit it, one of my biggest fears, verbal abuse from a loved one, happened to me. I now see the quick, unrelenting commitment to moving on a person can feel. Maybe you once thought you'd handle mistreatment by lashing out for months, telling friends, getting work published about the anger and lessons learned, but trying to juggle life with the pain is different from imagining it.

Sometimes there's very little vengeance.

I've learned that I don't have to get closure in order to heal, learn, and move forward.

I keep working to survive, keep taking names.

I'm sure you understand.

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State of the Band Address - Volume 3625

Well HI there, The Band!

It's been far too long since we last spoke, but I assure you that I'm still very much present here - just on the backend of things. But I wanted to pop in and say howdy!

Howdy!

Other, more noteworthy news needs to be addressed.

1) We need volunteers like WOAH. It doesn't matter if you're just on the commenting team or want to do something as intensive as editing - we need the help! Email becky.harks@gmail.com

B) I've noticed that we have a ton of finished looking DRAFT posts in the queue. If you don't want us to publish them yet, cool - do nothing. Please check the status of your posts for me so we can get the ones that are in submitted up!

Five-Niner) We are always looking for new submissions! These don't have to be original submissions or anything just so long as they are yours. Write hard, The Band.

132) I know we have a ton of regular readers out there and I also know that many of you don't know what to say to our brave writers. Saying anything, even "My thoughts are with you" is better than saying noting at all. Because this is a group support blog, these comments are far more needed than those of a regular blog site. Please say something if you can.

Much love to you, the Band. I know things have been rocky as we're trying to start back up again after our unplanned hiatus but we're working get things back on track! Thank you to those who are still here, still abiding by our brave writers and a special thanks to our amazing writers - your words will help others long after you've written them.

Love to you all,

Aunt Becky

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Bleak

I hate it. I've been so tired of it for so long.

No.

It is not temporary as some say. 

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Selfish Of Me Or Not?

I could probably take up pages and pages of this, but I'm going to keep it short. About six years ago, I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I knew it all along and I told her, but I guess she didn't want to believe it. I understand. I gave her solid proof and she finally believed it. It broke her heart and I couldn't stand to see her that way. We were both depressed. Of course she was more than me. I felt deceived too. I thought the one person who would never hurt me or my mom was my dad. He was supposed to set that example of what kind of guys are out there. A husband should never cheat on his wife. NEVER. The worst part was that woman was a close friend of the family. Backstabbing slut, right?

Unfortunately, my mom stayed with him. She tried to work out it until a couple months later, we found out there was yet another woman. Where do the deception and lies stop? It doesn't because, to this day, he's cheating. I know he is. I have proof. I'm tired of her being played, being lied to, being treated like she is nothing. My mom does everything for him and he appreciates nothing. She's not his wife, she's his maid. He doesn't love her, or he wouldn't treat her the way he does. It angers me so much to see her take it and let him do it. It's not my business, but it affects me. I'm her biggest support system. I hear her complain about him. I hear everything that's bothering her. I have no one to vent to so I just take it, but I can't ignore it.

Is it selfish of me to push her toward divorce? I want her to be happy. She already established that she wants it, but she's coming up with excuses not to go through with it. Should I just let her do what she wants, even if she's miserable? 

I'm to that point of: either she leaves him, or I leave. I can't put up with it any longer.

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