Sexual abuse is devastating, even more so when the abuser is a friend.
This is her story.
Age 13. Should be a time with no worries, right? Wrong. That was the year I was sexually assaulted and violated by my best friend.
One day she forced me to look at porn with her. When I looked away she made me. Another day when we were hanging out she tried making me remove my pants, but I said no. Not long after, she forced me to take off my shirt and felt me up even when I was practically almost crying. After I put my shirt back on she tried kissing my neck to give me a hickey but I shoved her off me.
Just before I left, she gave me a hug while grabbing my ass.
My mom asked me about a year and a half later why this girl and I weren't friends anymore. I broke down and told her. She was extremely supportive and I thought the pain was finally over. Wrong again.
I'm 22 now. I had forgotten about it for years until a close friend of mine sent me an episode on YouTube of an Oprah show talking about same sex rape and incest, not knowing what happened to me. My past immediately came flooding back to me and it keeps haunting me. It won't stop and I feel like there's nothing I can do. I don't want to date, get boyfriends or even have sex ever again after this suddenly came back.
I just want to make it stop.
One in five women reported she had been raped or sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Many more are afraid to report it.
This is her story.
I was only 15 when I got raped by my boyfriend.
I didn't think it would ever happen to me.
He knew that I didn't want to have sex until I was married and he said he was fine with it. He seemed so perfect, and he made me happier than I thought I ever could be. He was the sweetest and nicest guy that I thought I could have in my life.
Then things changed. He thought that we needed to hang out everyday, so everyday he would come down. He would follow me everywhere I went. I couldn't go anywhere without him or he would get mad and accuse me of cheating.
One night I stayed at his house. He got drunk and wanted me to have sex with him. I said no. He pushed me on the bed and got on top of me. I tried to push him off but he was too strong and he wouldn't let me get up. Screaming wouldn't have helped me because no one but us was at his house. I didn't know what else to do so I just laid there scared out of my mind.
He pulled my pants and underwear down and I pulled them back up, so he took them off again and threw them across the room. I was so scared. Then he was in me and it hurt so bad that I started crying. I was paralyzed the whole time. Finally he got off of me and I went and got my clothes. I laid in the bed, shocked and horrified.
I didn't know what to do and it hurt so bad that I just laid there curled up and crying. He took my phone so I couldn't find it to call for help or call my parents.
I've held this in for 8 months because I was so scared, and my family had enough problems to deal with before this all happened. I'm not with him now because he was doing drugs and I didn't need that in my life.
Before, I was a very bright and outgoing person. I would do stuff with my family and friends, but after the rape I am so depressed and suicidal that I just don't know what to do. It's so hard to deal with something like this. It's hard for me to sleep at night because I have nightmares about the whole incident.
I just needed to tell someone my story.
One in five (21%) women reported she had been raped or physically or sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
This is one woman's story.
When I was an 18-year-old high school senior, everyone was going to Panama City, Florida for spring break. I had been drinking and ended up going to a club, and that night was a complete blur.
The last thing I remember was a guy handing me a beer; after that I woke up in a hotel room with my clothes off in a pitch black room. I could hear a group of men in the room next door. I couldn't hear what they were saying but could tell they were men.
I rushed back to my hotel room after waking up and immediately got in the shower. I probably took seven showers that day - not really understanding why.
I couldn't eat while still in Panama City. I was also scared to sleep because I was paranoid that something was going to happen to me. I ended up getting a ride back home with my cousin.
Once home, I still felt the same. My family became worried and made me go to the hospital. While in the hospital, I refused to get my blood taken because I was scared. I really freaked out, I guess. Anyway, the doctors made me go to the psych ward. I was in there for two weeks. They had me on all different types of medication, and even after I got out of the hospital and started seeing a therapist, I was scared to open up about it. I feared no one would believe me and that they would think I was just looking for attention and that I deserved it.
Now, I am 22 years old. I have lost ALL of my friends, and the only person who knows and is there for me is my boyfriend. But honestly, I feel like he is my only friend. I just wish I could go out and be a normal person and make friends. I'm nervous to do those things now: make friends and have conversations with people. My words seem to jumble and I am constantly worried about people hating something about me or just not caring about what I have to say. I guess the best way to say it is that I feel like words do not matter anymore and that trust and good people are not out there anymore.
It's really hard to go through. I can't explain it all in one post, but I just feel empty inside and feel like no one understands how I am feeling. Every day seems like a constant battle with who I was before the rape and who I am now. I want to be how I used to be - outgoing, fun, and likable. Now I'm shy, boring, and completed closed off to everyone (except my boyfriend and sometimes my mom). I just don't know if this will ever pass.
I was raped. He took my virginity.
You can call me Shay. I just moved to my hometown in Idaho in order to take a year off. I was feeling lonely, so I figured why not give online dating a try? I met several wonderful young men, and felt flattered.
Then I met him. He was a 19-year-old tall, blonde cowboy. You know, just wonderful. We went out on a date and made out in his truck. I agreed to do some things...I'm 19 and I just wanted to experience touch, is that so wrong?
But it went farther than I wanted. I told him no; I told him stop; I said it hurts.
He responded with, "Don't you know it hurts to lose your virginity?"
I said yes, and stop.
I tried to pull away, but he only pulled me back.
I didn't know why he stopped then, I just knew he did, and I was so grateful. He asked if it felt good, if it still hurt. I said yes.
He said, "Okay, put your clothes on, and don't get anything on my seats."
I got dressed, and all I could think was, "I am such a whore." I felt so much shame about losing my virginity in a truck! I never wanted that to happen.
I sat in his truck, and he took me home after some meaningless small talk. As he was driving he asked, "Are you okay? You aren't going to tell on me, are ya?"
I said, "No, this isn't something I'm proud of." That conversation happened more then once.
I had him drop me off on the side of the road. I just couldn't go home; I felt like shame was rolling off me in waves, strong enough for everyone to notice. I turned and ran. I had to get away from him. I remember seeing my shadow from his headlights and praying he wouldn't stop me. He didn't.
I ran until I couldn't, then I called a dear friend. I was sobbing on the phone, and I told her what had happened. She told me, "Honey you've just been raped. Now I need you to get somewhere safe, and call the police."
I walked a mile to another good friend's house while good friend #1 talked to me the entire way. I got to good friend #2's home at 10pm and her roommate opened the door. I just fell into her arms and I sobbed. I handed her the phone while good friend #1 told her what happened.
My friends stayed with me the entire time. We called the police and reported him, then we were at the hospital for six hours. I had stopped crying, and by that point all I could do was laugh. We all did...I don't know why.
After the hospital visit, the detective working my case told me that "he" was in police custody, and that I needed to go down to the station. I found out he lied on his statement, and I told that to the police.
A week later, here I am. My lawyer and I are going to try to take this to trial. I haven't told my family yet - I still feel ashamed and like a whore. I just have to heal myself before I bring them into this I think.
I have a great support group. I thank god for good friend #1, I don't know what I would do without her.
Thank you for reading this story of mine, and thank you for your support. Thank you all.
This happened I was a freshman in high school. I had a six-month relationship with a junior and I fell in love with him.
Of course, he broke up with me right before summer and I was heartbroken. I would do anything - try anything - to get over him.
In August, I started thinking about my ex-boyfriend more and more. One week, I was up late one night while all my friends were away. I got a text message from a boy that was in my ex-boyfriend's grade. I'd heard he wasn't the greatest kid but I wanted someone to talk to so I answered.
Later that night, around one in the morning, he asked me if I wanted to hang out. I was bored, so I decided to go and hang out.
Apparently he was looking for more than I was. He took me to his house and we went in his room. At first, we were just watching a movie and I didn't mind it. Then he kissed me, and started hooking up with me and everything.
I know I should have stopped there but I just couldn't.
He pulled off my pants and asked, "Are you ready?"
In my head I was like, 'ready for what?'
It's not like I'd never had sex before but it had never happened with a random guy that I talked to like once. He pulled off his pants and went for it.
The night ended - I would have done anything to get out of there. I'd never have gone out if I'd known what would end up happening. It's not even like I found this kid attractive!
I hated myself so much for what happened. I can't call it rape because it's not like I stopped him - I just hated it inside. I felt disturbed and disgusting in my body and in my mind.
A couple days went by and I couldn't keep it to myself. I needed to tell my best friends who know everything about me. They thought it was wrong, but they were there for me. I felt like they all thought I was a whore but they didn't treat me that way.
The next week, I didn't hear from the kid and I didn't know why. I decided to text him and see what was up. He answered and told me not to talk to him. I was so confused because I didn't think I did anything wrong. I found out the next day that he was back with the girlfriend that I had no idea about.
Now that school has started, I've seen him and he gives me the nastiest looks. I feel so disturbed every time I see him.
Apparently, I was just a one night stand. I'd do anything to take it back! I wish I'd stopped him.
It still haunts me.
Page 1 of 4