It’s me again.
Last night, on our first night out to dinner alone since March, my husband told me if it was his choice, he would eat a bullet so he wouldn’t be a burden to anyone.
When I look down this road of life
This is his lovely response to cancer.
I see you there by my side
As if I needed any more stress.
Just like it's always been
I know it’s not about me.
Still so many paths to take
I know that I really have no idea what he is feeling or thinking because it is not my body.
Still so many memories left to make
I am not the one with cancer.
The kind we’ve made time and time again
But I don’t think it’s fair that he wants to decide what I can and can’t handle either.
Every year that passes by I only love you more
It is my decision what is a bother to me and what isn’t. At least last time I checked, it was.
Every day brings us closer still
And the whole time, and all day today, the day after, there is one song stuck in my head. It makes my heart ache.
It sums up perfectly how I feel about my husband.
It is the future I always dreamed of that I never really believed I would have until I met him.
And every night I close my eyes and pray we have forever
He is literally my knight in shining armor.
Cause I love the way we're growing old together
Cancer can bite my ass.
(Song lyrics in italics written by Richie McDonald.)
(Update: The results have come back negative for cancer. The wait was incredibly scary, but I gained a new perspective on not only life, but love and my marriage as well.)