I wonder... why I had to endure all that I have. Why do I look back on the past forty years and see so much abuse hidden by the plastic smile I wore like a mask earlier than my memories allow?

I wonder... was it to prepare me for you, my beloved daughter, not even twelve who has already experienced more than many seventeen-year olds? Was it to make sure you had a strong advocate at your side to fight for you long before you needed saving?

I wonder... will it be enough to share my real-life stories with you to alter the course your diagnoses and behavior? Or will it just help me handle the heartbreak I'm destined to receive - the heartbreak from the abuse I take from you?

I don't know the answer.

I believe in a God who planned every life with a set purpose, and while it is not my job to question His plan, I can't help but wonder...

...will it all make sense some day?