We all have letters we'd like to send, but know that we can't - a letter to someone we no longer have a relationship with, a letter to a family member or friend who has died, a letter to reclaim our power or our voice from an abuser, letters where actual contact is just not possible for whatever reason.

Do you have a letter you'd like to send but can't? Send it to the Band! We're here to listen!

However, keep in mind that the mission of the Band (please no rants, hatred, or venom - BB2G is about healing and growth).

Can't wait to read what you've written, The Band!

Dear Wife The Second,

I like you.

You're a nice, happy, giving person. You're intelligent - having earned two degrees, and you're hard-working. You treat my son - your step-son - well and you seem to make his dad very happy. Life has been much easier since the two of you met.

You two are getting ready to add a baby to your family. I so want to be happy for you! It's so exciting to build onto the family! And I'm so glad that my ex found someone to share his life with - someone who could be what he needed.

But I'm worried for you.

It seems you already provide most of the care for our son when he's at your house. I hear that when you are at work, he asks for you. When he talks to his dad on the phone from my house, I hear you cooking dinner. I know you pay the majority of the bills since he was unemployed for well over a year. Hell, you've even paid child support a couple of times - and that was when he was working.

I've heard you've decided some things need to change when the baby comes. My fingers are crossed that you have better success than I did. I hope you are not next in line in what I fear could become an "ex-wives club." I have plenty of war stories that I hope I never have the opportunity to share with you.

As you know, I was in your place once. What you may not know is that I loved him. Despite what he might say, I believed in him and his lofty ideals. I defended him and changed our lives around to follow his dreams. I fought hard for our marriage for nearly a decade, and in the end, realized I was the only one fighting.

I'd lost myself in the process.

Thankfully, I got a son out of it all. If not for him, it would've been a waste.

I can't help but worry that what happened to me will happen to you. Your pregnancy has brought back those dark days for me in flashbacks and anxiety attacks. I hope that Future You, the Birth Mother you, doesn't struggle with the same types of memories and regrets as I do.

I hope that when your baby arrives, you don't split yourself in two in order to care for your husband and your infant. I hope you leave room to take care of yourself. I hope when you look at your new baby and compare him or her to your husband, you don't find that you married an adult child.

Further, I hope your husband helps out more around the house so that the burden on you is lessened when you are healing and bonding with your baby. I hope that he doesn't pressure you into sex before you're ready. I hope he never tells you that he isn't going to go out of his way to get you some time alone.

I can't tell you these things, of course. I'd just look like the bitter ex-wife telling tales.

As your due date grows nearer, I will keep you in my thoughts. I will pray that he really has grown and changed.

I will pray that he loves you more than he ever loved me.


The Ex-Wife