As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. Do you have life lessons that would have helped you through a difficult time?
Share those with The Band as you write a letter to your younger self.
Put down that beer right now. It's caused you enough grief already and if you stop drinking now, it will save you a lot of grief in the future. You do not need it. It just makes you seem silly and makes you a target for abuse.
Now, call your Mom back and tell her you'll be changing your major even though she thinks you won';t be able to succeed. Dancing is her dream, not yours. You want to be seen AND heard.
Unfortunately, your life has been based on how you appear to others and it has made you very insecure. You will never measure up to the incredible standards you have created for yourself. So, just do it. Change your major from dance to psychology.
Here comes the difficult part.
You are not crazy.
You are right.
The drinking, the eating disorder and the incredibly low self-esteem are connected. I know you have been searching with all of your might, trying to find the missing piece, trying to make it make sense. I know you do not want to drink or count potato chips. You want to walk into a room and confidently say "Hello."
The missing piece is a lost memory. You suppressed it because it was too much for your developing brain to handle. I'm not sure your brain can handle it now, but I do know you'll waste less time if you know now.
If you need to leave school, do it.
If you need to stop talking to your mom and sister, do it.
If you need to join the Peace Corps, do it.
Whatever it takes to begin your journey of healing, do it now.
All else will take care of itself.
No need to worry about getting too old to dance. You won't be a famous dancer. Dance for fun.
If you want to be famous, head towards that little room in the basement of the university next to the sports equipment storage - the computer lab. That's where the money is. And yes, you are smart enough to do it.
Work on your voice. Write. Laugh. Go for a walk and write some more.
No, I'm not kidding.
That journal writing you have been doing is good stuff. It really, really is. And don't throw away any of them. You'll want all of your writing, even the stuff you wrote when you were eight.
People will hear you.
You will be heard.
Yes, there will be darkness.
When it is especially difficult, look in the mirror and say, "I love you."
Look at me, right now, saying "It wasn't your fault.
You will get through this.
You have survived the worst of it.
There will be light.
And I will be here with you always.6 Comments