I don't need diamonds or all the money in the world.
Don't need them nor do I want them. My dreams are simple things, or so I thought. I want a home filled with love, a pet to snuggle me, babies to love, and a partnership with my soul mate.
Okay, sure, they sound like lofty dreams. But no more than most girls want, right?
I have someone I was sure was my soul mate. I thought we were madly in love and that he was everything I wanted in life. But time ticks away and we're no closer to making those promises.
We talk about babies and a doggy but the time is never right. We don't have enough money or space. My illness is too unpredictable.
Maybe next year.
He says he wants to marry me but still we sit in this rut. He's more than a boyfriend but not my fiance? I don't want some grand gesture, I don't want the huge rock the other girls crave. Hell, I don't even care if it's a dime store fake silver band that will turn my finger green, I just want the promise. The symbol.
I want to be able to look down and catch myself smiling like a fool when I see my left hand.
But how do I ask for these things that my heart craves? Won't I sound ungrateful for all I do have in my life?
How do you tell the man who's stood by your side through crippling illness, loss, and depression that it's just not quite enough, you'd like more now please?
You don't.
You hold it inside, smile when he tells you how much he loves you, and lie to yourself that it's enough.
You put plans for a family on the back burner, you tell yourself you'll get a doggy maybe next month.
You learn to stop dreaming for the impossible and to try to be happy and grateful for what you have.
After all, it's better than nothing, right?
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