I was 26 when we decided to have a baby.

This year, around Christmas, I will celebrate my 36th birthday. My kid will be celebrating her second birthday.

The road to our daughter has been hard, with many potholes, and many things out of the scope for this particular thing I want to share.

My monthly mate would appear bang on time, always.

Always.

It was irritating when we were not TTC. It made me cry when we were cycling.

But my periods have become devil's incarnate since.

Both of my pregnancies changed my bleeding pattern.

(For two full-term pregnancies, I have only one living child to show. Hard.)

I had heavy bleeding after every pregnancy.

My second pregnancy temporarily snapped me out of  bleeding hell, but after delivering my second baby, I struggled with the bleeding for almost a year.

Now, my bleeding has been tamed, but it's stretched out to eight day episodes when it was once a five-day affair.

I'm glad that I'm not bleeding every 11 days. I'm glad that I'm not bleeding so much that I smell of my blood.

My initial problems of adjusting with the baby, and all other issues were compounded by the fact that I was not feeling well thanks to the continuous bleeding.

I was consulting my OB, and it took a while to get things on route. That year was hell.

Now, I'm not sure if we want to try for more children. I mean, we want to.

But.

I still have baby fever. My husband doesn't oppose the idea of a sibling for our child.

We do not want to adopt, so we are passively trying.

I hope to become pregnant.

But I do not want my periods. I hate it. My mind flaps down, obsessed with my uterus for four days before my periods.

So you are reading an essay from a woman who wants a swollen belly, and is dreaming of a hysterectomy half of the month.

I dream of having a hysterectomy. I can't wait for the menopause to come. And if I take my mother's age as the benchmark for when my menopause will come, I think I still have a decade of periods-hate left for me.

And I am terribly torn apart. There are other signs. I am on a blood sugar regulating medication, and I lose weight like a breeze on it, but I have been gaining weight. I have constipation.

My mind is exploding. And I think of having a hysterectomy so much. So I want to ride two boats at the same time.

Having a hysterectomy will rule out me carrying a pregnancy. But seriously, I just want to be free. But I want to be pregnant too.

Hey Band, do I make sense?

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