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Sometimes, It Hurts More Than It Should

I’m lonely. I’m really lonely. Yet I’m married, have four amazing kids and a dog. Yet, I am so lonely that it sometimes feels like my chest will explode. I used to have friends.  I used to be the life of the party.  I was always the one that did the crazy stunts or...

Antenatal Depression – The One They Don’t Talk About

Depression and I have been dancing partners for more than a decade now. Sometimes it’s a slow waltz, sometimes a spinning reel, and sometimes I get to sit off to one side and take a nice relaxing break from my dark friend. Over the years I’ve learned to observe my own...

How’s Gabriel?

How’s Gabriel? I hear that all the time.  There is no simple answer.  But answering it is the focus of my daily life.  Every day.  The real answer is Gabriel’s not OK. Gabriel is Bipolar. His moods shift. Daily. Weekly. Yearly. He is never OK. I spend my days like a...

Lost: Mental Health Meanderings of a Tired, Ticked Off Thirty-Something Woman

This week has been a struggle. In brief: I have a chronic mental health condition, and have struggled for years to find mental and emotional stability. I’m also a woman, and am impacted heavily by hormonal fluctuations that occur on a monthly basis. Anyone who feels...

I Can’t Heal From This

Three years ago, my husband attempted to rape me. I didn’t really think of it that way at the time. I did shove him off me with a hand to his throat, and he was extremely angry. A few months later, he completed the rape. He’s always been terrible with...

Antepartum/Antenatal Depression

The only thing I’d wanted was another baby. So when, after meeting a good guy, marrying him and buying a house in the suburbs with a yard (like I was Suzie-freaking-Homemaker), I found myself knocked up once again just like I’d wanted, I couldn’t begin to understand...