Today, Today I am heartbroken. I am also, angry and anxious and sad, embarrassed and emotionless. Every time I think I can’t cry anymore, the tears just start falling.
Today…. I have to send my son to live with his father.
I have to ‘kick him out’ of my house. He has been getting in trouble. Mostly for marijuana at school. Today… is the fourth time in less than a year (calendar year) it is the 2nd time in less than a month. I am angry at the school, because they are blowing things up that shouldn’t be.
He is supposed to be in a trauma-informed school. You know the place where the kids go because they get caught with pot at regular school?
The principal has told me multiple times that she doesn’t care if they smoke pot. They just can’t do it at school.
Well.
Today a kid happened to walk in at the same time as my son who HAD been smoking before school so they all got pulled into the office “No one at my school is going to be smelling like weed” Nice double standard lady. She searched the cars. Found pot in the other kids car. My son… He had the mouthpiece of a bong. “drug paraphernalia”
So it is a 2nd strike. He is expelled.
5 away months from graduating high school.
Funny thing is. I told her this would happen when they kicked him out of band. When they took away his positive influences. I told them he would spiral. I begged them to try another way. Every single scenario I laid out has happened.
Today…. I am so angry at the school. For the double standards. For the harsh punishments. When, really, why is pot treated any different than say nicotine or alcohol. He wasn’t shooting up in the bathroom or doing a line of coke in the hallway. He smokes blunts. The ladies head about spun when he told her he uses CBD for his anxiety.
*gasp that’s marijuana*
Today I feel like a failure. Like I caused this with our fucked up life. I feel like I missed something big. A big way to help him. Today I am heartbroken I am losing my baby boy.
Today I am angry at the fucked up school system who can let kids who cause a lockdown for a gun threat, kids who are drunk all the time and kids who smoke cigarettes on school grounds get away with it. They don’t get punished.
Today I am frustrated with my friends who tell me I am doing the right thing. I don’t want this to be right. I just want it all to be better.
Today I want to stop crying. Today I want everything to be okay. And I am terrified that..
Today…
I am so so sorry for you and your son.
And so angry at school, for removing his joy of playing in the band, and for their double standards and not helping but only punishing.
I hope things improve soon.
Mama, you are doing everything you can to help your baby. You are. It’s hard and it’s messy and it’s painful, and you are doing it brilliantly. Cry when you need to, it’s a sign of strength. You are strong enough to feel all of this and continue to fight. Love you.
Funny this posted today…. Today my son enrolled in a new school.Today we found out that because of what the last school did this year he will not graduate this year. Today I saw my son want to give up. Today I had to tell him I know he is better than this. I know he is bigger and braver and smarter and more amazing than he will ever know. Today I had to ask my son if he just wants to drop out.
Today I also got the official letter of why he can’t go back to the other school. It was full of more lies more prejudice. I have to decide if I continue to fight. I have to decide if I try to get him some type of credit for the work he has done. I have to decide if I push this for the other kids I know they are pushing around.
Today I am still angry. But I can see a tiny light at the end of this tunnel. I just need to help my son see it too.
Wow. Just wow. I wish I had any advice, but I do sorta feel like punching everyone at that school in the teeth.